Check Your Attitude!

When I was in high school, my father use to give me “long talks” about life and share with me his life experiances to attempts to limit the bumps in the road. I was visiting him last year and he pulled out an old, yellowish, piece of paper and handed it to me. As I read it, I warmly reminded of the discuss we had about attitude when I was about to go off to college.

Here is what the paper read:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me, is more important than the past, than education,than money, than circumstances,than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is attitude…I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it!” – Author unknown

This well written reminder about attitude is very important to embrace, because we all have a choice to live a full and enjoyable life or not. When life seems to have its ups and downs and you feel like lemons are being thrown at you…you can choose the attitude you will have to sweeten that lemonade to deal with it.

I am confident that if you choose a “healthy” attitude the outcome of your situation will turn into a blessing!

Have a great day!
Christine Matthews
www.njalone.com

When I hurt, I fight… parenting my strong willed child

Every once in a while I allow a glance into my own personal development journey in hopes that it will help others to know that they are not alone in this quest in living their best life. I learned that in this life is what you make it. Yes, we are sometimes dealt a “rough deck of cards”, but ultimately the  of how we deal with the ups and downs lies with us and we all are privileged to be able to make choices!

Personal development is not easy, because it forces us to look at ourself for the answers. We can no longer blame others for our mistakes or the reason we are not where we want to be in life. At some point we have to take ownership for what role we play, before change can take place.

So, here is a glance into my personal Journey…

This week was a very trying week for me, but if anyone knows me well enough, can tell you, I fight back and grow with every obstacle that comes my way. Parenting is no different…

People always say that parenting is one of the toughest jobs we will ever have. Well, this week was my week!

My son is 4 and very smart, but he is also very “strong-willed!” This child constantly pushes me to my limits. Often I ask myself ” What in the hell am I doing”? At some point, I had to stop asking the question and truly search for the answers.

In my search I found that I was not meeting this child on his turf! I was not stressing LOUDLY enough who was the parent. My role had not been clearly defined to him yet!

Tuesday he decided that he was not going to stay at daycare! The more I tried to persuade him that daycare was a good Idea, because I had to get to work… the more he screamed and through a tantrum. To top off the morning after my 1 hour struggle, the daycare provider said, ” If he can not calm down enough, he will need to go home, because we do not have an extra staff to sit with him until he is calm to return to the classroom , if you need to leave”

Well, let me tell you by this time I HAD IT! I was sweating, completely frustrated , angry, and absolutely fed up with the boy and the day care!!! I grabbed him , his coat , his cup of cereal, and his book bag, rolled my eyes at the daycare teacher ( if I opened my mouth to speak,lord only knows what would have came out, so I did not say a word, until friday when I called the school director) and left!

But once again, guess who won… RJ won! He got to come home as he had planned to be all morning! Well, folks this is not the first time he won the daycare battle, but one thing for sure it was going to be the last!!!

So, now I am forced to grow in my parenting skills, because I refuse for my “strong-willed” son to slip through the cracks of the school system or to become a statistic! I know that my child is smart and he is highly capable of being appropriate in social situations as well as, at school, but he is “hard headed” …as my grandmother use to say.

But how did it get to this point and how can I help him and ME get through these tantrums

What I did to improve my parenting:
1. Ask my self the hard question ” What am I doing that is contributing to this behavior”? (i was not consistent, planful, and had not been providing the structure/routine all children need)
2. Reflected on the situation and allowed myself to feel and even cry (because I was just plan frustrated)
3. Started planning my course of action (asking other parents questions, looked up the term” strong-willed child”, researched ways to help deal with children with this temperament, identifying what is triggers maybe to the unwanted behaviors, and had a long talk with my husband so we are on the same page)
4. executed my plan (spent time getting organized in my own life, putting the family on a routine, setting limits with him and being consistent with the consequences, reframing my “demands” of him- sometimes it is all in the tone of your voice and how you give a directive to a child that will get the best results, and allowing time for him to transition)

We as parents do have a tough job, but God has blessed us with an awesome job!

If anyone is going through the same parenting issues I am, please feel free to comment and share your ideas and what you are doing to turn things around.

Have a blessed day!

Christine Matthews

http://www.NJALONE.com

Using new paints to expand our self-perception

Creating who you want to be is like painting a picture – it is never truly finished and we are continuously adjusting our goals and ambitions in life. As the painter of your life’s canvas, most of us do not spend enough time trying new themes or colors. We carry on with the same subjects and use the same paints over and over, and expect the picture to come out as beautiful as it was the first time you painted it.

Over time, of doing the same thing, your self-perception narrows. When our self-perception is narrow, we tend to limit our thinking, our actions, and our life. It makes us think some things are beyond our reach, that we should not even try to reach them.

Have you ever let a great opportunity pass you by, because you felt you were not good enough? Ever declined to give a speech, because you felt people would think you sound foolish? Ever cancelled a date you had planned for a month… because you were self-conscious about how you would look dressed up?

Begin by expanding your self-perception by trying the following:

*Take baby steps with trying new things – start doing things you previously rejected because they were just “not you”

*Start off with something small, but significant

*Learn a new skill of some kind

*Start using “I can” statements instead of “I can’t” statements

*Stop limiting yourself, start believing you are destined for greatness

*It is never too late to start changing your perception

Take care and stay well,

Christine Matthews

http://www.njalone.com

Willingness to forgive

Issue a blanket pardon. Forgive everyone who has ever hurt you in any way. Forgiveness is perfectly selfish act. It sets you free from the past ~~ Brain Tracy

Wow!!! That is a powerful quote, loaded with truth for sure!
Every one of us deserves to be set free! Wouldn’t you agree? How many of us walk around with the heavy burden of not willing to forgive, holding on to our ankles like a ball and chain. Everyday pondering on the wrong someone has done to us…OMG! GET OVER IT SO YOU CAN MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!!
Nobody can set you free but yourself! I have said it many times in talking to friends, family, and clients… “Forgiveness does not mean that you are letting the person off the hook for what they done; it means, that you are giving it over to God to deal with.” Believe me, HE will deal with the person for the wrong they have done. You do not need to worry!
You are a wonderful being and starting back at step one of changing your life…forgiveness, will set you free and allow you to start spreading your wings to soar like never before!
Remember … the stress and pain you continue to cause yourself by not forgiving is hurting you, not the other person.

Wanting only the best for you,
Christine